It’s been two weeks since I last breastfed my 18-month-old daughter. At times, I never thought this day would come. Breastfeeding has been the hardest thing I have done mentally and physically—even more than the three days of labour that I endured! While I don’t regret breastfeeding, I am so glad that it’s finally over. However, it has also brought me some of the cutest and cosiest moments and a bond like no other!

This blog post covers my breastfeeding journey and how I managed to wean my little boob-obsessed girl. 

Newborn stage 

Throughout my pregnancy, I had it in my mind that I’d like to breastfeed. I knew it had antibodies (and formula doesn't), so this seemed like the healthiest thing I could do for my baby. 

My midwife never really went into detail about breastfeeding when I mentioned it at my pre-birth appointments. I read a couple of books about raising a newborn, and it was touched on in those, but I basically found out about the difficult aspects of breastfeeding right after I gave birth. 

I remember Selena latching on nicely about an hour after being born, and one of the midwives said it was a “great latch” and “well done”. I thought that was it; I’d nailed it and it would be a breeze from there on. I also remember feeling shocked at how hard she was able to suck and how much my nipple stretched after the first feed! That first night in the hospital, I fed her every couple of hours, because that was something I’d read. She didn’t cry or stir at all; she just latched on while sleeping. I was exhausted but felt proud that I’d managed to continue feeding. 

When I got home, the cluster feeding began, and Selena was nursing on and off for almost 12 hours straight. I thought something had to be wrong—I'd never even heard of cluster feeding. I remember ringing triage almost in tears and the woman said, “Yes, that is completely normal, she will cluster feed to up your supply of milk in the early weeks.” Boy, it was tough. My nipples were starting to crack and bleed. Every time I fed her, I had to peel them off from my bra and I’d bite down in pain each time she latched. The perfect latch I had in hospital seemed to have disappeared and I just couldn’t find a comfy position to sit and hold her at the same time. This was due to back pain from my epidural. I wanted to give up so badly, but I kept telling myself, ‘This is normal and it will get better. I want the best for her so I need to get through this.’ 

After three weeks, my nipples started to heal and the cluster feeding got a little better. However, Selena was (and still is) a gannet, and she would nurse every 1-2 hours throughout the night. Each feed lasting 20-30 minutes. Was I tired? Unbelievably so, but it’s amazing how your body slowly adapts and you get by just fine. 

3-6 months 

Selena fed every 2 hours around the clock and was a very happy and healthy baby. At 6 months she had two little teeth and we decided to start introducing solids. I had it in my mind that she would nurse less and sleep more, but she had other ideas…

Trying solids 

Sweet potatoes, fruits, Greek yoghurt and scrambled eggs were all hits. Unfortunately, the solids had no impact on how frequently Selena nursed day or night. We also went through a sleep regression where she found it extremely difficult to get back to sleep during the night and growth spurts sometimes meant waking every half an hour! During these times, I would co-sleep and nurse lying on my side to try to get as much sleep as possible. 

9-month sweet spot

At 9 months, we suddenly went from feeding every 2-3 hours at night to sleeping through for 12-14 hours! It was heavenly. She was only nursing 2-3 times during the day as well. I thought we were on our way to complete weaning, but this blissful period only lasted a few weeks, unfortunately. 

Moving abroad 

When Selena was 10 months old, we decided to move to Spain. Nursing became even more of a comfort in a different place and it was also great for keeping her cool in the hot weather. If in doubt, the boob would be out and I’m thankful for its superpowers throughout difficult times. 

1 year 

This was when I was hoping to stop breastfeeding. Unfortunately, Selena went through another sleep regression and growth spurt, plus teething. It felt like she went back to nursing like a newborn, and I think this was the toughest period for me by far. My nipples were sore again (milk blebs and blisters), and Selena was waking every 1-2 hours. I began to feel a little depressed at times. 

How I finally stopped breastfeeding

At 17 months, I had had enough. I had never left Selena to cry it out but I knew I had to stop feeding for my own health as it was really getting me down. But it wasn’t going to be easy on either of us. I needed to sleep and I felt so touched out. I came across a night weaning method posted on a Facebook group: The Dr Jay Gordon method. The plan was just to stop feeding at night, but luckily, it helped me stop nursing altogether. In short, it involves nursing normally at night but only up until a certain time. You then pick a 7-hour window where feeding is off-limits but you can offer any other form of comfort. 

I nursed up until 11 p.m. and then said, “No more milk now, it’s all gone. You can have some in the morning.” I offered cuddles, water, singing, etc., and kept repeating that the milk was all gone. The first three nights were Hell. She wouldn’t accept it was all gone, and she kept waking again and again, crying on and off for up to an hour. I was so close to giving in, but I knew I had to stick it out for at least a week to see any difference. Slowly but surely, each night got better, and after two weeks, she was waking up just once or twice for some water and then cuddling back to sleep. I co-sleep and have done so fully since she turned 1. 

Naturally, Selena started feeding less and less throughout the day. For a few weeks, it was only one feed before bedtime, and then all of a sudden, nothing. I don’t even remember our last feed, which actually makes me feel a little sad. I thought I’d be nursing until she was 3 or 4, so I’m proud that we’ve managed to do it before 2 years old. 

Would I breastfeed again? 

In all honesty, motherhood has been harder than I thought it would be. I’m not sure if I want a second child just yet but I know that if I did have another I would breastfeed again, despite how hard it has been! 

Why am I glad that I breastfed?

Selena has had one cold in her whole life, and no other illnesses. I’m pretty sure the breast milk has helped her fight off any diseases. We also have a great bond and have only been apart for three hours since she was 5 months old! I was also able to drop most of my pregnancy weight while eating a lot of food! 

What would I do differently? 

Get a hands-free pump and pump loads in the beginning! I think if I had introduced more expressed bottles earlier on, it would have been easier to wean.